I can’t remember writing about this before. If I’m repeating myself I’m sorry. It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything I actually care about. Usually it’s about Rigid and I suppose that on some level it still is…Since it’s his Valentines Day gift that spurred this on.
It was about 1:15 am when he decided to give me this little necklace pictured here. His reason was that although he would have liked to give it to me at the restaurant tomorrow he realized that might not be a good idea since I’ll most likely be weeping like a baby. I was annoyed when he brought out the present and pressed it to the side of my head after kissing me on the cheek. I tried to shoo him away and even waved the gift off, but he insisted that I would cry… a lot. I told him I would not. Especially now that he said I would.
I opened my gift reluctantly, embarrassed that my makeup isn’t on properly, that I’m in pajamas and that my hair is a mess. As I opened my gift I complained about these things and the fact that I had no camera. There was no picture…no memories being sealed away for me to look upon later. He was doing me quite the injustice. Not to mention the fact that I would most definitely not cry now that he said I would. Out popped one box, then two…I finally opened the last box that contained my little diamond trinket and found myself staring at something I would never in a million years either wear or buy. Never…or so I thought.
See, I owned 5 cats. How I came to own 5 cats is a very long story. I’ll give you the short one. I got Morrigan at the pet store, Salem to shut Nathan up about Morrigan hating him, Artemis to shut Morrigan up for losing her kittens after mom let her out to get preggers, Seren off the freeway after I jumped out of my car to save her (the car was still going) and Grendel…Well, Grendel wasn’t supposed to happen, but Morrigan got pregnant again and this time I was able to help her keep her kitten.
He was a beautiful ginger kitten and he nearly died in my hands several times, but between Nathan & myself we managed to keep him strong enough to live a good and healthy life. He was such a happy cat. Grendel brought us so much joy. See, my marriage up until Grendel was born was in serious trouble. Nate and I had a really hard time with out marriage at first. We struggled and carried on, but…you know that meshed feeling you have with the person you’re with? Someone you may have been with for so long that you can preempt each others needs, that you’re always aware of what their thinking and that you can work quickly and efficiently together in times of stress? Yeah…that wasn’t us. At least not until Grendel came along so we became fairly attached to that animal.
I almost feel wrong calling him an animal as though it’s beneath him. That’s funny. Well, we may not have realized it then but working day and night to save this kittens life and keep him healthy the first 4 months of his life really brought us together. I mean, I’m not saying we were close to divorce or anything, I just think that it really gave us a new perspective on what’s important and what isn’t. We stopped fighting as much. At least stopped having pointless fights. We became more understanding of one another and more patient. I mean, we fought like fuck to keep this kitten alive and it was not easy. I was terrified that it would have serious problems when it got older, but he never showed any signs.
That is until just one week before his ultimate demise. That one week is when everything he ever did suddenly made sense. It could have been brain damage or some neurological disorder. Hell, it could be that he got into the Drano (he didn’t get into the Drano), I’m just saying. There’s no way to tell. Whatever the case may be he died and left the hugest hole in my heart. He’s right up there with my aunt who we lost to cancer a few years back. Rest in peace Tia Bebita. I would cross myself but you know how I feel about that Tia. Who am I talking to?
Anyway, I’m starting feel all sappy again, but Rigid got me this necklace in memory of my cat. At first I didn’t know what to make of it. Why would I want…and then BAM! It hit me as he said, something something “Grendel.” and WHOOSH the tears fell out of my face and wouldn’t stop for a good 10 min. Rigid was like, “See, I told you this would be better than crying at the restaurant. I did good yes? I’m a thoughtful Hooha?"
All I could do was nod my head stupidly while I half covered my face.
Dude, last year he gave me…I can’t even remember what he gave me last year. Most likely nothing. I bitch and complain each year that I want something nice, something pretty, something thoughtful and you know what I expect? Nothing. Nothing because it’s a giant joke to me. I mean, I expect something….I mean SOMETHING would be nice. A flower, a card, hell, take a blank piece of paper, fold it and write stuff in it and I’ll be happy, just as long as you give it to me with true kindness in your heart. If you have nothing to give then be humble not a pompous ass.
Most years I think I’ve picked my own present and one year we got into a MASSIVE fight. Two of those years in fact. Boy, holidays like this can really fuck a couple up you know.
Well, tomorrow or rather today, he has a really big day planned. A drive up the coast to Santa Barbara, dinner at a nice restaurant and…well, that’s probably it, but really, so far the best Valentines day I’ve ever had and it’s almost 3 am.
Oh, I am FULLY expecting an argument tomorrow, but you know what? If that’s the case I’ll just cling to my little diamond kitty necklace and remind myself that I’m not married to the beast I once thought I was.
And I’m glad.
